There’s a pain in my chest
A lump in my throat
A strange ache in my bones
There’s a gnawing feeling
That while everything’s in order
Something’s not quite right
I feel…uncertain
The ground beneath my feet keeps shifting
The scenes before my eyes keep changing
Like I’m sitting on a swing
Swinging high and low
My feet forever dangling
Never touching the ground
I feel…unstable
On a king-sized bed, I lie all alone
With all the means to spread myself
But I stay curled up on one side
Never quite exploring, the other
I feel…unrest
I stare at the wall, hours on end
Missing places where I was
Longing for places where I will be
Never living in the moment
Never ceasing today
I feel…ungrateful
I stand at the edge of the sea
Gathering pebbles and shells
But as I pick one, the other falls from my grasp
I stand at the shore all day
Never walking away, with what I have
I feel…unsatisfied
I dine at fancy restaurants
Eating meals of all kinds
But my mouth has no flavor
My tongue has no taste
For my eyes keep wandering
To the plates of everyone else
I feel…unfulfilled
I carry my existence in boxes
Moving from house to house
Decorating and cozying up loaned spaces
Resting for the moment but never hanging my hat
Like a ship that sets sail for months on end
Docking on ports periodically
Dropping off goods and passengers
Anchoring but never parking
I feel…unsettled
I live in places but never stay back
I stay on the fringes but never belong
I am not in on your jokes
I am not a part of your stories
My presence in your lives is short lived
Long enough to make an impression
Short enough to forget
I feel…unwelcome
My memories are scattered
My stories lack depth
My relationships are stuck in limbo
Like half built bridges that lead nowhere
Like buildings left unfinished
Laid on shallow foundations
Never built beyond the first floor
I feel…unrealized
Friendships, camaraderie, community
Are all around to see
But vanish when I try to touch them
For virtual blends with the real
To create an optical illusion
Culture, Religion, Traditions
I have borrowed some and lost many
Shedding them each season, like leaves on a tree
Only to grow new foliage next year
I feel…untethered
My life is but a series of fleeting experiences
The sum of each part, lesser than the whole
These smoke and mirrors
These cloak and daggers
How long will they transpire?
When shall this all end?
I have no answers
For the manual that you all hold in your hands
That guide you each day
Is one that I don’t possess
For mine was never delivered to me
It was lost in the mail
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